Lately I've been in and out of a funk. I was doing ok but again fell into a slump: the return of sleepless nights, dread, grief, anxiousness, other life events, a dash of stress, closing myself off from people, overwork and lack of motivation. I dreamed and daydreamed of painting but could not bring myself to work on anything only at tiny bursts.
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| "After the Rain" - Ray Vinella |
The reason for this funk and slump is my mentor Ray Vinella's memorial service was this past weekend and its been on my mind more than this last week. It was a pleasant and beautiful service. Countless stories and jokes, a robo prank call that interrupted someone's speech and that everyone was convinced Ray tuned in. The memorial service was held in the most perfect place where he would of wanted. It was held in the Taos Art Museum, the historic Fechin house, in the studio Nicolai Fechin painted in.
As a friend he was one of those rare handful of people I felt I could truly be myself around, handle me unfiltered and I could be totally honest to and wouldn't hurt their feelings if I gave my true honest opinion, and he felt the same way and told me things he wouldn't dare to tell anyone else. I've been playfully smacked at times and called a smart ass a few times for my responses to his jokes. Ray stopped telling me the names of people in his stories of when he was young because I would remember too much. And I have this knack and thing of remembering names.
Another thing since he was old he would tend to say the same jokes at times, eventually he would quit saying these jokes because he would remember my sassy remarks from the previous time. In his living room you would sit beside him in his favorite chair, and he loved to shock people. One of his favorite jokes was he'd ask nonchalantly, "Do you want a kiss?" and then wait for your reaction and then hand you a hershey kiss. You can imagine how the range of responses can be from different people. I don't remember how I acted the first time, but I probably was shocked. I thought of this brilliant idea to reverse shock him and I looked deeply in his eyes and asked, "Can I have another kiss?" and after a pause pointed at the candy bowl. He was surprised and admitted he got nervous real quick and he gave me more candy. I did a similar stunt again when I found a seasonal huge solid hand-size hershey kiss and asked, "Do you want a big kiss?"
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Leslie the love of his life- I've been fortunate
to see this painting in person, This picture does not do
it justice to see the mastery in this piece |
As I was growing up and even into early adulthood professional or somewhat famous artists that I would seek advice or ask questions about art they would either blow me off or be a major jerk. Ray was different and saw something in me, and I reminded him as a young eager inquisitive artist that was willing to learn.
Someone mentioned as a teacher he had a unique ability to be on your wavelength on where you were on your artistic journey and explain what you needed to work on and make things simpler. We had a connection which we were both trained as illustrators and it is a blessing and curse that you have to make things up from imagination and make the concept grounded to the real world. I mean you can't google reference pictures of a Alien Space Bar Cafe on Saturn's rings. Ray mentioned most students who train under a mentor is that their work looks exactly like their teacher's because the teacher would teach the student how to paint the way they had, you wouldn't see much of the student's self expression.
It helped to begin the healing process again, one of my best friends sensed my distraught and off balance this weekend... And didn't let me be alone at that moment. They invited me over for snacks and dinner which consisted of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...(Not much cooking skills) and video games. I lost the final rounds of vs mode in Mortal Kombat with my man Sub-Zero. The match was so close, I lightly tapped the controller on a pillow. I had a winning streak going on at first. I sincerely try my hardest not to smack or throw controllers...I almost broke one of mine before hitting it on a pillow. >__>; It didn't work for 3 days afterwards and when it came back to life it never quite worked the same afterwards...and I blame Jinpachi from Tekken 5 and he's a #@$%^& cheater!
Its has been hard but I feel closure now, that we celebrated his life and I was able to be around others who loved Ray as well. I've been so fortunate to meet Ray and the numerous people I met through him. He was the kind of person that was a dynamic catalyst who would bring people together. One of his best friends noted sometimes its hard to forget that something you want to tell him you just simply can't anymore. He was a good friend, mentor and was like a grandpa to me, things were never weird or uncomfortable.
I'll keep swinging my brush, and continuing working on my brush milage. And definitely work on the difficult assignments he told me to do, and not set them aside because they are hard.
Thank you,
-Krisana
Nothing like studying doing life drawing. It raises your spacial awareness and helps you "see" form.
