When people ask what inspires you as an artist most people will reply nature. I get inspired by nature and rocks and trees, dirt, water, world peace....and the family. Hold on let me write my manifesto and possibly bore you. Manifesto Quisquiliae Fastidiunt. That sounds brilliant!

If I told you that I'd be lying. Being inspired by nature. Except the family part though. I might be moved by nature but its not the main factor that makes me work.

What inspires me is music, words and mannerisms. Also seeing beautiful things not particularly nature. Music, Art, and Video games have always been a factor in my life and always been there. I've turned to art because of instant sublimation I couldn't have that instant satisfaction with any other art form.

Also my family was always supportive of this artistic itch I had. Whether if it was waiting for 3 months to get a light box from my dad. Or bothering...more like barging into my sister's room just to show off the latest sketches. I'm pretty sure that there was a period of time where I wouldn't even knock I'd just walk in.

The first games I ever was conscience of playing of was Earth Worm Jim on the Sega Genesis. I did not understand it nor get too far in the game. And also the Busy world of Richard Scary book game thing that hooked up to the tv. It came with a drawing tablet peripheral I think this helped with my fascination of digital art. I have no idea what that purple turquoise thing is called.


This map sums up different points and marks in my artistic journey that are highlights. From when I was little to pretty much about now. Certain influences I dropped and some I still oogle over from time to time.

In no particular order there is 

Vincent Van Gogh-I first saw his work in 2nd grade we were studying him. I instantly fell in love  with his use of color. It reverberated something deep within me pulling me into a trance. Then when I was 8 my first art teacher made my sister and I do a study of the Starry Night painting.  Always felt a strong connection with his color and mood. A highly emotional man. 

Drew Struzan-I did not know who he was for a long time. I saw his work on multiple movie covers and was instantly spellbound and look at them for long periods of time. If you don't know his name google him and you'll know instantly the work he has done in the movie poster industry. 

Blade of the Immortal- Discovered this manga in my sophomore year in high school during spring break to my detriment to what little productivity I had. I had an art project due and somehow this came up as a horror genre manga. I was curious how can one make something real scary in a comic book? The first tankobon was boring but after that it is pretty stellar. 

The beautiful art and well choreographic fight scenes and finishing moves. His anatomy is mastery. Hiroaki Samura is a master storyteller he can tell a lot with just simple gestures. He once depicted an awkward scene with two characters who had their grievances with each other. Their conversation and the panels only showed their feet and hands. It told so much...  Blade of the Immortal made me drop the Moe moe suki desho shojo anime style work that I was doing. This was the mark of the beginning of my pursuit in academic art. Taking it seriously.  I wanted create realistic but fantastic stylized characters like he did. 

Andrew Loomis- An illustrator who made practically the best art instruction books in the universe. Some of the first artbooks I'd look at when I took Academic art seriously.

Fushigi Yugi Genbu Kaiden- An example of Moe moe suki desho shojo anime that I used to like draw and imitate. Marshmallow is what I call it now. Too sweet and fluffy it makes you sick.

Uncharted 2- One of the best single player experiences in a game  ever. The concept art is amazing, the story, characters. If I had to say if I had a video game crush it would be Nathan Drake. He's so charming.<3 The Falling train c oncept art by James Paick is I can say is my favorite Concept art piece of all time.

Naughty Dog 
Streets of Rage
Okage: Shadow King-Whimsical game that has an usual art style thats captivating. One of the video games that made want to be a concept artist. Funny art and music. It kindled my passion for world domination. 

Academy of Art University- Hard curriculum. Taught me a lot about foundations. Provided a lot of structure to my work and also met a lot of friends.

Final Fantasy VII
Final Fantasy XII
Ninja Theory-Cool names and games
Massive Black-Concept Art Studio with amazing work. First workshop I've attended.
Yoshitaka Amano-Beautiful watercolor and ink work I try to imitate with markers.
Crash Bandicoot
Sonic the Hedgehog
Golden Axe
Deviant Art
Cg Society

Age of Empires & Mythology- So Addicting. I can't stop if I start.

Pokemon-I was the cool kid who copied the pokemon pictures. And no one wanted to play with me on the gameboy game anymore because I was a ruthless winner. No mercy.

Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time-One of the best games of all time. Yes I mean the pun. Hands down. I will pick a fight with anyone who says otherwise. I used to copy the art from the game manual. 

Ninja Mountain Scrolls- Been listening to their podcast for about 5 years now. Their diverse topics of art, interviews, business and fun to listen to. They really motivated me to consider stepping out of my shell and going to art events and conventions.

Gintama- The best long running series in anime. It is very funny and also serious at times. Parodies many things. All the characters have a dysfunctional quirk about them. Its funnier to watch the anime then read the manga. Because the voice acting is humorous.

Bleach -At some point. Used to like it but fell into the typical shonen genre. Ridculuosy long fights and too frequent of flashbacks. The covers are the great but Blade of the Immortal won me over. So instead of placing Bleach art I put the Gintama parody of it.

Cghub-Beautiful art lives here and its so easy and addicting to click on pictures. Too bad the website went down. It was the next up and rising digital art Mecca besides Deviant Art.

Concept Art.Org-Met a lot of friends who were around my age serious about the same thing Concept art. Got a lot of critiques there. Good and bad ones. Was the first site I made my online presence known was not just a lurker.  Have a considerable amount of hits. 

I found out about concept art is by most of the older game manuals in a game would display some of the concept art in the game. I would take out these manuals and copy the pictures inside. I got really upset when the manuals was not included. 

I never put a name to Concept Art until The Art Institute did a presentation recruitment in my intermediate art class in my sophomore year in highschool.They handed out pamphlets and that was I knew the title of what I wanted to be. 

Sketch n' Art Dump because I've been talking too much and sharing too much. :] Springing forward with daylight savings time has been ruining my flow. It was highly ironic that I just upgraded my PS3 hardrive and on that same day my little macbook's hardrive failed and corrupted. Troubleshooting a mac is defintitely difficult. People will tell you their unyielding love of apple instead of how to fix your problem. Let's trouble shoot shall we? Not cause more frustration and anger and cause more trouble. I like both pc and mac but I won't write a whole post about it. There is a time and a place for fanboy wars.

A few digital sketches. WIP There is more interesting things I'm working on but I am not at liberty to share it because it is under NDA.

Fascinating. I'm acquainted these two people but yet I've discovered another part of their essence while analyzing them.

Last week's portrait session. Al he's a pretty funny guy but his story is interesting. Hopefully I've captured his untold story in this painting.

Katy from the week before last.

Last week I mentioned don't get any sleep. Well this week is about maintaining balance. Its always a balancing act. The scales kind of became unbalanced and the weight dropped and overworking and exhaustion kicked in. Maintain balance please.

One either has to fight off laziness or fighting off not going over the limit exhausting yourself .

An explanation of my life in a diagram.
Its the "drug" that I'm on most of the time.

Memories of Sleep Deprivation
I've been way over enthusiastic and so I've been staying up till 5am of the sorts for about a week. Or if I went to bed early I would wake up in the middle of the night to paint and then go back to sleep some odd hours later.

On Monday I had to be somewhere at 8:30 am after going being exhausted triggered a memory I had forgotten. I remembered the last time I felt this was when...well.
This will be the first time I will say this publicly. I kept it to myself for a long time time...

I'm ashamed to say and never told anyone but I missed my sister's college graduation due to work. To my great shame and embarrassment. To anyone who asked me how it was I LIED. If I told you I went I LIED. If I described to you how it was I LIED. I didn't want to re-explain nor tell the story to relive that moment of disappointment. Sorry. I'm real sorry. I lied. This is the real truth.

Photoshop rough of sketches and pasted montage.

 At the time I was attending the Academy of Art University online classes and was taking Color Theory. Anyone who has been there will tell you that is the most difficult class in that school and if you survive it your a champion and can take on anything there.

Around week 7 of 15 of class the final was announced and one can start working on their final. I knew a month in advance I was not going to make the deadline so I sacrificed sleep, hanging out and much more. For awhile I did fine drifting on 4 hours of sleep. Watching marathons of T.V to keep me going.

Then the 2 week call came up. I gave in more. 2 hours I can get by with 2. At this point I was feeling the granules of reality slip and drop around me. I could see it crumble. Practically everything around me was white it was blank. But I went on. Continued being stubborn and hardheaded.

Also around the same time my shy friend who never made any requests asked if I could personally attend an event. I told them I could not due to my sister's graduation. They said it was fine. But it bothered me that they must of really thought about it and had to muster a lot of courage only to shot down. Honestly I don't know what they really felt because it was through text. Its difficult to read between the lines with only text.

The story behind the final painting the one I wanted to tell is Senbazuru or 1,000 paper cranes. A Japanese legend where if one folded a thousand paper cranes they would have their wish granted. I had a wish. And there was some other people's wishes it was within my power to fulfilled. I wanted to do so much. But nothing was achieved. This was the intention of the piece and wanted to evoke that feeling if one saw it perhaps. But I failed. It crumbled and fell apart in my hands. It burned.  

Photoshop Color Rough V2 Subdued 

The final happened to be due on the day of my sister's graduation. It was tricky with the color theory final one had mail their submission in. It had to be on time any late submissions would be sent back unopened and there would be an automatic failure. Saturday was the last day I could possibly get away with doing overnight shipping to get to the school.

By the way when week one rolled around I spliced 2 hours. For half of that week I split the two hours into 2 different sessions of naps. Mind you meanwhile I was going to work at a 11hr shift food factory job full time.

On the final 3 days this time was shortened into an hour. That Friday night the last time I would have to do that I painted a bit. Was going to make the the last push after a nap. Went to sleep. When I woke up it was morning and my dad was knocking on my door saying he was leaving in 20 minutes. The weather was getting bad and he had to leave earlier than anticipated to get there.

 I Scrambled noticed the painting was still on the easel unfinished. I dreamed it was done. I slept through 8 alarms as a safeguard for oversleeping and I slept through all of them. Did not hear anything. I told my dad I going to go regardless. He looked at my crazed self . My dad had the "look"the scary one saying that was highly impractical. That was the last thing I wanted to hear after a month of trying to make it is being and denied. I felt like the underdog. I snapped. Burst out crying. I could not hold it back and like most people who are sleep deprived they will be too honest.

Now my dad does not get upset easy but crying was one of those things he dis not tolerate. Essentially I was pouring water into the oil. Water and oil do not mix. He left after that dispute. Which made me ever more upset.

 I wanted to apologize to my sister but sorry wasn't going to cut it or 10,000 of them. I called my sister to apologize but as soon as she picked up I wailed. She could not understand a word I was saying. She forgave me. A part of me wanted her to hate me for missing such an important date due to work but instead she cheered me on, comforted me and tried to calm me down so I could work again. The sincerity was felt. She reminded me for a month I've been working so hard that it was alright. Do your thing. Get some rest.

Everything was a mess. I laid on my bed being sour for a bit realizing I had an opportunity to go to my friend's event and make it up but I was in no condition to do so. In my frazzled state of my I could not think.
"Subete no kuso yarou"And no I don't mean the song.

Well I missed the cut off time of UPS so I rested that Saturday and painted some and also that Sunday. On Monday I went to the specialty post office because the regular post office had long lines due to it almost being Chirstmas. Paid an arm, a leg and some of my hair just to pay for overnight shipping. Hoping that the instructor would accept my late piece. Hate being in a situation to ask for people for favors when you don't deserve it because most of the time people won't pull through for you.

Color Rough Version 1 Bright

Honestly this painting looked way better being strung out. But I guess part of the message is apparent. The bright yellow. In the realm of color psychology yellow conjures up memories. It is not good to be in a hospital or a nursing home. So in a psychedelic state I splashed yellow. Yellow spoke to me. I bleed yellow.

Thank you Ms. Komsthoeft because honestly you made a miracle passing me. She did not have to. I understand and see color it just didn't show in some of the work I submitted in this state and point in my life.  

So the moral is don't sacrifice everything for work. Live life and try to balance it all. Try to maintain. Once in awhile this promise this lock to myself to never go across the boundary of the insanity point. It took me 2 months after to recover from that. My sleeping and eating habits were destroyed in that time. And I fried my mind it was the closest to me ever becoming crazy and I will never wander near that line again. So I sleep when I feel that creeping.

Was looking for an opportunity to post this reference for awhile now.
When I watched Dexter season 5 the actress Julia Siles was a guest.
So my mind works like this. All the puzzle pieces are in front of me and 
I have to rearrange them in how I see fit. Make them work so...

Actress Julia Stiles->Movie Save the Last Dance->Epic last dance scene->Oh that amazing song at the end what was it again?->Youtube what I think the song says->Found it->Ok its Athena Cage "All or Nothing." 
Every time I see Julia I hear the intro part of that song. I literally waited for her to burst out in dance. She didn't I was disappointed. 

By the way one of my friends who cancelled plans with me is viciously sick and taking too much NyQuil posted this. Its a bit...well disturbing. I'm not sure if one wants to sleep after seeing that. I don't. I really don't.

Here's a sneak peak of what this new body of work has to do with. Went to the art store and saw these might use them as photo texture lay ins.

My favorite track from Pac-man Championship Edition DX+ 
Its one of the extra DLC songs.

Also I'm real excited about CYNE they've been laying low for a few years and finally going to drop their new album in a week or so. Can't wait to hear it!
Make time for yourself. Most of the time I forget to take time for myself to relax and not always go pedal to the metal. After taking it easy one day this week I feel rejuvenated. Started that day with an Americano, some video games, light sketching. Even made my favorite seafood dish from scratch. It was wonderful.

This is one of my best plays in a deathmatch in Uncharted 3. Unfortunately I have more but when another player uses a hacker mod to cheat in that particular session there is a glitch preventing anyone from looking back at the recorded video. Douche bags.

Later on this week somebody had asked me what do you do besides art? I realized how awkward that was. Had to think about it. I had to be honest there isn't much I do in my free time that doesn't involve it. Whether its a movie, video games, comics. I don't know what art is not in.
It had me thinking what do I do besides art? Possibly nothing I can think of. Er well almost everything that I do relates to. My world revolves around it.
Nothing is wrong with me? Or is there? I don't feel anything. I don't think its sad. I don't feel miserable or lonely.

                      Wandering around Near Bush & Pine St. in SF around 6.am ish

Back to relaxation

If you always hanging in there with lack of sleep. Get some Sleep from time to time. The world will be a much better place and clarity will come in mind. Almost everything that didn't make sense will make some sense at some point. If you're always sleeapin' WAKE UP. Honestly.

Life is short yada yada. Life is exciting and there is so much around us that one does not realize. It mystified or more like stupefied me that the last art workshop I attended last summer in San Francisco that people were complaining, "Oh I'm so tired." Or at home I have my cush computer chair instead of sitting on this hard wooden bench while drawing is difficult. Life is so hard. I'm tired. I'm hungry. Lets go rest AGAIN." Excuses.

Heck I can draw standing up, sitting down, laying down and if I could maintain upside down.

 Seriously if being in San Francisco and learning from an esteemed artist does not astound you.    
My GAWD if that does not excite than WHAT ever will? SERIOUSLY?!
Wanted to shake these people and possibly smack them with enthusiasm! As Socar from the Ninja Mountain Podcast would say in her Scotish accent, "Yer doin' it Wrong A....gain!"
You're in the wrong profession then. Find something else to do.

Your heart is beating is that not exciting? I thank my sister for sharing this.

Now I'm ranting about art again. When will I ever truly relax? Its the middle of the night and I'm compelled to go over to my easel. Can't let this moment of enthusiasm go to waste. I wanted to make a post about relaxing, tried to but I can't. My head is spinning with velocity.

I've heard multiple times in my life, "You are what you think about most of the time." I'm an artist so therefore art is what I think about most of the time.

Aha Peace- Going to ATTEMPT relax more. Play some video games and get some sketch'in done. ;]