It has been a difficult Winter but Spring is practically here!
Sometimes you have to make a wrong turn to get back onto the right path.
The journey of self reflection and discovery often seems to begin in pain and sorrow. Personally never seen anyone gleefully wander onto that path. It isn’t easy to truly reflect within and face yourself and hopefully overcome the inner trials.
I left the coolest job I ever had. The major factor in my decision to leave was that it was the most toxic workplace I have ever worked at. The stress and drama of it all, also since I do not revel in chaos it didn’t work out. No job should remind me of my troubled childhood. Sometimes I would question to myself why I was acting strangely or reacting in a way I normally wouldn’t and well it ignited the minefield of repressed memories of my childhood. There is a reason why certain memories are repressed, I don’t need it to function and survive on the daily!
Truly I have no regrets. A strange experience. I had 2 job offers when I started the job. Either one I choose I would’ve regretted turning down the other wondering what the other one was like. Now I don’t have to wonder or regret, when I have tried both.
I thought the choice I made four months ago would be made with happiness, and it was at the time. Sounds cheesy but this experience made me realize what I do not want to do and return to the thing I want to dox. Being a Graphic Designer is a cool job, but I don’t think like one. I can do design but its from a drawing/painting standpoint. Winging it and relying on feels does not compute with precise measurements and solving math problems to fix the design. One running joke I make is I make ugly business cards...because that is what the client wants. I don’t hate or despise that line of work it just isn’t for me.
Even though I still some limited Graphic work but it is more my pace without high level of stress.
It seems like the thing you love the most is also the same exact thing that can hurt you the most. There was a time where it brought great distress and had to take a break from it.
Thoughtful my life I have tried other art forms and interests but my true love is drawing and painting. One failsafe is I invested so much time into it I really am not good at anything else.
I’m back on track to seriously focus on Concept Art & Illustration. I mean it is truly relaxing, entertaining and fulfilling to paint these rocks, dirt, metal boxes till 4am and be happy.
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